Why We Need to Talk About the Mental Health of New Dads
Mental Health of First-Time Fathers: An Overlooked Priority
When we talk about mental health during the transition to parenthood, we often think of mothers. But what about fathers? The journey to becoming a first-time father is filled with excitement, anticipation, and, quite frankly, a lot of stress. Despite the immense emotional challenges they face, first-time fathers are often overlooked when it comes to parental care. As a therapist in California focusing men’s mental health, my hope is to create more community and coversation around this incredibly important and under-addressed topic.
The Hidden Struggles of New Fathers
Recent studies show that between 8-10.4% of fathers experience depression, and up to 18% deal with anxiety during the perinatal period. Yet, these numbers might actually be an underestimation. Most mental health screening tools in this area are designed with mothers in mind, leaving fathers unaccounted for. For men, the struggles of adjusting to fatherhood can be just as overwhelming as they are for mothers—but without the support, understanding, or acknowledgment they deserve.
Untreated mental health challenges among fathers can have a ripple effect, impacting their ability to adapt to parenthood and leading to relationship strain, communication breakdowns, and increased stress. Even more concerning is the impact on children. Research shows that when paternal mental health is left unaddressed, children may experience long-term developmental challenges, just as they might when maternal mental health is neglected. In short, paternal mental health matters for the entire family's well-being.
Five Practical Coping Strategies New Dads Can Implement Now
When new dads struggle with fatigue, disconnection, or juggling household and parenting responsibilities, simple and consistent habits can help them feel more grounded and capable. Here’s a deeper dive into these strategies:
1.Carving Out Solo Time
One of the biggest adjustments for new dads is the loss of personal freedom. Having time to yourself—even if only for short intervals—can go a long way in helping you feel less overwhelmed.
Micro-Breaks: Find small moments during the day to step away for a breather, even if it's just 10 minutes. These brief breaks can be used for walking outside, listening to a podcast, or just sitting quietly.
Hobbies and Passions: Identify a hobby or activity you truly enjoy. It could be anything from playing guitar to tinkering with a hobby project or going for a run. Even dedicating a short amount of time to these activities each week can significantly contribute to your emotional well-being.
Partner Collaboration: Setting up a mutually agreed-upon schedule for alone time can help both parents feel supported without feeling guilty about stepping away.
2. Taking On Tasks You Enjoy
Often, dads feel more disconnected because they are unsure of how to contribute meaningfully, or because their contributions feel unnoticed. Finding specific parenting duties you enjoy can help you connect better with the baby and feel more competent in your role.
Unique "Dad Duties": Identify specific tasks that you might find enjoyable. For example, some dads enjoy the hands-on aspect of bath time, which can become a nightly bonding ritual. Others may like taking walks with the baby in a stroller, which can be calming for both father and child.
Creating Traditions: Dads can also build their own special traditions or rituals with their child. It could be reading a bedtime story, singing a favorite lullaby, or doing tummy time together. These kinds of rituals can help dads form a stronger connection with their baby and feel a sense of ownership in their role.
3. Simple Self-Care Routines
Self-care is often neglected by new parents, but supporting new dads in carving out even brief moments for themselves can improve your resilience and patience. These don’t need to be elaborate routines—simple, intentional actions can make a big difference:
Exercise, Even If Brief: Finding ways to stay physically active is key. For a new dad who may not have time for a full workout, short bursts of exercise can be surprisingly effective. Even 5-10 minutes of bodyweight exercises like push-ups, squats, or planks during nap time can help release stress and boost mood.
Mindful Moments: Incorporating mindfulness into daily routines. You could use a guided meditation app for 5 minutes before bed, or even just take a few deep breaths while rocking the baby. Practicing deep breathing exercises during stressful moments can help you stay centered and reduce anxiety.
Sleep Hygiene: Lack of sleep is a huge challenge for new parents. Napp when the baby naps or create a bedtime routine to maximize rest. This could mean taking turns with your partner for night-time duties or using relaxation techniques like listening to calming music or reducing screen time before bed to improve sleep quality.
Avoiding Isolation: Self-care also means maintaining social connections. Many new dads tend to isolate, feeling that they should be home all the time. It is vital to stay in touch with friends or family—whether it's a quick chat or grabbing coffee. These interactions can provide emotional support and help you feel less alone.
4. Cultivating Small, Positive Habits
Dads often underestimate the power of small, consistent habits in helping them navigate the ups and downs of early parenting. These small changes can build resilience and help manage stress:
Gratitude Practices: Practicing gratitude can help new dads focus on the positive aspects of their experience. It might be as simple as jotting down three things you are grateful for each day, which could include moments like the baby’s first smile or appreciation for your partner.
Creating Predictable Routines: Many new dads feel overwhelmed due to the lack of structure that comes with caring for a newborn. Establishing small, predictable routines for yourself can help create some stability amidst the chaos. For example, always taking a morning shower, prepping your lunch, or setting aside time at night to decompress can provide an anchor during unpredictable days.
5. Leveraging Technology to Support Coping
Sometimes using available tools can ease the burdens of early parenthood.
Apps for Tracking Sleep or Feeding: Many dads find that using apps to track their baby's sleep or feeding schedules helps them feel more in control and involved. The visual data can give you something concrete to grasp onto amidst the abstract emotions of new parenting.
Guided Relaxation and Mindfulness Apps: Apps like Calm, Headspace, or even YouTube videos offering guided relaxation exercises can help dads carve out moments to de-stress. For new dads, finding small ways to unwind is crucial.
The Service Gaps: Why Are Fathers Left Behind?
Current services for perinatal mental health are overwhelmingly focused on mothers. Many fathers report that they lack access to tailored information and that healthcare professionals seldom acknowledge their needs. It’s not that fathers don’t want support—they do. They want guidance to prepare for parenthood, support to navigate relationship changes, and resources that recognize their experiences as equally valid.
A Call to Action: Supporting Both Parents Equally
The evidence is clear: we need to do better. The mental health of new fathers is crucial, not only for their own well-being but also for their partners and children. It’s time we use this evidence to reform our approach to perinatal care and make meaningful changes. Some thoughts on how to increase awareness and conversation around first-time-fathers mental health concerns:
Raise Awareness: Healthcare professionals need to understand the prevalence of paternal perinatal mental health issues and their impact. Fathers should be an integral part of any mental health conversations that happen during the perinatal period.
Need for Targeted Information and Guidance: Fathers express a strong desire for more information and guidance on various aspects of fatherhood, including practical skills, emotional challenges, and relationship dynamics. As a men’s mental health therapist, supporting men through practical workshops, digital guides, or resources for online support groups tailored for first-time fathers will help create a more balanced support for parental care.
Integrate Fathers into Routine Care: Fathers should have access to the same quality of care and resources that mothers do. This includes information, mental health support, and opportunities for genuine inclusion in their partners’ perinatal journey.
Benefits of Father-Centered Programs: Fathers who participate in father-centered programs highlight the benefits of connection, peer support, and access to resources. These programs help them develop confidence, build relationships, and navigate the challenges of fatherhood.
Moving Forward Together
Becoming a parent is a profound life transition—one that deserves support, regardless of gender. As fathers adapt to their new roles, they face challenges that can take a toll on their mental health. Providing equitable support for both parents isn’t just about fairness; it’s about creating healthier families, stronger partnerships, and a better foundation for our children. Now is the time to use what we know to create change and make sure no one gets left behind in the journey to parenthood.
