The Fatherhood Transition: Five Unspoken Challenges for New Dads and Soon-to-Be Dads

1. Over-functioning

When their partner is pregnant, many men may find themselves slipping into a pattern of over functioning—taking on excessive responsibilities to ensure everything is perfectly in place for the arriving baby and the mother's comfort. Since they aren’t the ones carrying the baby, men often feel the pressure to maintain a façade of strength and resilience, which can prevent them from speaking up and acknowledging their limits. This scenario creates a cycle where the fear of not doing enough paradoxically leads to doing too much, draining them emotionally and physically.

2. Lack of social support/ a gap in dad-inclusive programs

Unfortunately, there is a big gap in dad-focused programs, practical guidance, and awareness of the local dad groups where they can get peer support. This gap leaves many new dads feeling underprepared and isolated as they navigate the complexities of fatherhood and less likely to share experiences, seek advice, and connect with others facing similar challenges. Many of the classes and support groups that exist are directed toward moms, leaving men to assume they do not require the same level of support as they transition into being fathers.

3. How the 4th Trimester Impacts Dads

The "fourth trimester" refers to the first three months after a baby's birth and is a critical period for both the newborn and the family. This time can bring significant changes to the relationship dynamic as both mom and dad are adjusting to new emotions, new routines, and lack of sleep. Establishing teamwork, incorporating mental health check-ins, and increasing open communication with your partner is key.  

4. Lonliness & the unknowns

The new sense of loneliness for new dads ranges from not knowing how to properly support their partner properly during the 9 months before baby/after baby is born, fear of how fatherhood might change them, feelings of helplessness and uncertainty, and concerns about being unable to properly navigate their role alongside the mother-baby relationship. With the lack of open dialogue/easily accessible support & resources given to dads, it's not surprising that 1 in 10 men report experiencing depression from the first trimester through the first year after childbirth.

5. Changes in partner & peer relationships

Many men report feelings unsure of how to navigate the sudden changes in the romantic relationship post-childbirth and the impact this will have on intimacy, communication, and the overall dynamic of the relationship. While this exciting new adventure adds value and expands the love within the relationship, men sometimes find the change uncomfortable and anxiety producing. Additionally, the shift in one’s social life and changes to male friendships cause increased worry about the differences between pre-post dad life. As priorities change to meet the new responsibilities of parenting, many men worry how it will feel to redirect the time and energy they once gave to their friendships. On the same note, fatherhood can also deepen existing friendships with peers who are also parents, as shared experiences regarding parenting create new connections and understanding.